The Adventures of the All Guardsmen Party

Last Updated 4/12/2020

Apology for long MIA added.

Sigh... Sorry. So, uh, first of all, not dead. Really. Though it was honestly a close thing during the months of medication roulette, the mild TBI, the fun uniquely-American health insurance games, and all the international travel right as the current mess was kicking off (not that I would have really MINDED being quarantined in New Zealand, lovely place). I'm not dying of Nurgle-rot (yet), though I am running support for friends and family who either are or are at serious risk, so I expect I'll get my turn sometime in the next few months. Anyway, I'm more or less finished with the fun process of getting my shit back together, unfortunately one of the final steps in getting back to a healthy mental state was following everyone's (and their literal mothers') advice to stop wishing I had a puppy, and actually get one... So, while I'm doing far better health-wise, I have a psychotic 2-month old little critter demanding constant attention during most of my supposedly-free time. His name is Steve, and he is very cute, but also very needy (and bitey). So, to the point. I'm going to be sticking to a schedule of roughly 1-2 hours of writing time a day, depending on puppy sleep schedule. The first week or two are mostly going to be dedicated to finally responding to all the email I've been neglecting (I won't go back farther than a month though, otherwise I'd be just doing that until fall), and once I start making actual progress I'm going to keep a little "I'm Not Dead" progress tracker going at the top of the page. Once again, I have to sort and triage the mess I left during my last shame-spiral, but I'm hoping for a late-May early-June official posting. Sorry for such a long wait, but it's the best I can do at present. In the meantime, here's a shitty rip-off video that devoured my one period of creativity during the whole shitshow (because Creative Assembly gave me Press Pass for a Total War DLC for some reason, and like an idiot I felt obligated to actually do something with it). Tracker will be up on Friday.

Other Stories

(If there's a demand for it, I'll convert these into HTML format and proof them a bit, but until someone complains I'm leaving these as Caps and SupTG links)

These are just a few storytimes from Back In the Day, mostly from our numerous DnD campaigns.

Shoggy the Seldom Dog

Screen Cap
Archive Link

Volg Causes a Paradox

Screen Cap
Archive Link

Potato of Faith

Screen Cap
Archive Link

Shane the Shy

Screen Cap
Archive Link

John the TSA Agent

Screen Cap
Archive Link

The Great Drone Heist

Screen Cap
Archive Link

Horrible Gelatinous Storytime
(ghost-written for Leven)

Screen Cap

Just a few screencapped, narrated, and even illustrated Total War: Warhammer speedrun campaigns. And now a Divinity Original Sin 2 one as well.

The Rat Race

Have you ever asked yourself "What's the fewest number of turns it'd take to beat Total War: Warhammer 2?"

The Bleu Tide

The Green Knight Presents: Brettonian Money Laundering (A Very Hard World Conquest)

The Sprinting Dead

Ever wondered how fast a really determined chariot-riding Mummy can go? Let's find out.

The Everywhere Queen

The whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Nagash Was SLOW

A vast undead empire founded on the bullying of old men for lunch money. (TW:WH2 blitz World Record by a LOT)

Dr. Strange-Claw

The touching story of a rat and his quest for true love total nuclear armageddon.

Violence is (probably) not the Answer

A Divinity Original Sin 2 Pacifist Run (part 1 of 5ish)

Violence is (probably) not the Answer

A Divinity Original Sin 2 Pacifist Run (part 2 of 5ish)

Violence is (probably) not the Answer

A Divinity Original Sin 2 Pacifist Run (part 3 of 5ish)

There's just one video. It is about rats.

The Doomsphere Detonation Scheme-Plot

The fiery culmination of the Dr. Stange-Claw run, featuring mid 2000s movie refrences.

Movies re-written as RPG moments, DM of the Rings / Darths and Droids style

Pirates of the Caribbean
(and a bit of Harry Potter)

"I've got like fifty dex. I'm practically Legolas over here." (Original Thread Link)

The Mummy

"Wait, I have an idea, all we need to do is go out, catch a bunch of cats, and tie them to ourselves..." (Original Thread Link)

A fellow by the name of Chronicler runs weekly story-prompt-image threads on /tg/ and painstakingly caps the results (Which are all kept here: https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Storythread). These are the majority of my contibutions.

Warning: No promises are made in regards to quality. Mispellings and mangled sentences are reltively frequent. All of these were capped on a wide-screen monitor, and I'm too lazy to dig up the more mobile-friendly archive links.

F.A.Q. and Contact

>What the hell am I reading? These are the stories of my group's Dark Heresy campaign. So far it has been about a bunch of guardsmen who's regiment gets eaten by nids then sign up with the Inquisition as discount labor for newbie Interrogators. >Who are you and how can I contact you? I'm posting on /tg/ under the name Shoggy. If you would like to talk to me you can reach me at Shoggy.Seldom@gmail.com >Why is the perspective so weird? Because I started writing from the players' perspective and am a creature of habit. Unless this goes into a book it'll stay like this. Imagine you're hearing the story from an old soldier in a bar if it helps. >Which character do you play? So far people seem happier not knowing, if you really want to know jump into a thread and try to get popular support. >What's this stuff about editing? I'm slowly going through all my posts and trying to tidy things up into a more respectable format. Anything labeled as unedited is exactly the same as I posted it on /tg/ and hasn't been polished yet. >Why some pages are translated in Italian and others aren't? A wonderful Italian volunteer offered a bit of their freetime, and is slowly working their way through chapters as time allows. Any suggestion or criticism about it is welcome at passavopercaso.a@gmail.com >Your writing sucks, here's what you can do better... Oh thank god, I'm desperate for some literary input here. No one I know who can even handle basic spelling is willing to read these. Please send all input to the email address above, I need it. >May I used your characters in my own games or fiction? Go nuts man, I'd be honored. >Is there any way I can support you and ensure that you keep writing? Like cash or something? I already have a job and do this as a hobby, but I'd appreciate it if you shared these stories with anyone who you think might enjoy them. Ohh, and if you're good at drawing, any art to add to the collection here (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/All_Guardsmen_Party#Gallery) would be awesome. >I am from Games Workshop / Black Library / Fantasy Flight Games and would like to turn this into an actual published work. No you aren't stop lying.

Special Thanks To

>Ivan, BurnToast101, Rhys For heroicly volunteering to help edit this mess. Truly, they are great slayers of mispellings and purple prose. >Devin Hoyt, RollForSanLoss, and Nate Pilgrim For providing a few of the better pieces of art floating around here. >Mystic Revolution For making that image of the inquisitor that I start every thread with. It doesn't count as stealing if I bought a shirt with that design from their store, right?